Dear Jeanna cont...
I do not mean to appear preachy, if I have please allow my care and zeal to shine more brightly than any felt offense. I too have been learning about my fears and my sinful ways. I must own and confess my fears, sins, idols, etc. It's the brave who face those fears. It's the timid who flee, blaming others and running to worship idols in order to save themselves from their fears. Oh how we all have loved our idols more than our Lord God, nearly losing our lives in our wickedness! (Isaiah 2:5-11; 3:16-26; 4:1-6)
You are not alone in being afraid. You have your own unique fears and you hold to them; yet know that everyone else has their bag of fears too. No one argues that our repeated, sinful actions often stem from our childish, childhood decisions. Yet, even so our parents don't make us continue to sin as adults. We have need of salvation because of our sins! God is just (Ezekiel 18).
Again, I too am afraid, terribly afraid. I'm scared so much sometimes I feel waves of despair and I even embrace them. Pray for me and for others who admit their fear...just as you would have us pray for you! Mr. Miller would often have his students read this verse when we struggled. "God has not given us a spirit of timidity (or cowardice), but of power and love and discipline" (II Timothy 1:7, NASB). Let's help one another believe in Paul's inspired words to Timothy.
For Christ's glory and our sake!
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Kevin,
Just read Timothy today during my quiet time this morning, before I read your post. I'm so glad you commented on my blog!!! So many things to tell you!
First, just to clarify, that I am not justifying my own sins based on my childhood, just recognizing where they stem from so I can clean the wounds & not just bandage them up again!
Second, you have been through SO much w/Dwight (and me too!) I think you were one of the ones that warned Dwight that I was "trouble". For some reason, I'm sure it was God's reason, Dwight did not listen. And I am SO thankful - NO ONE has stood by me like that man! Some might call him a fool, but he has showed me what TRUE LOVE is by loving me, the unloveable time & time again.
Third, I really feel like Dwight & I are really working toward change that is Godly for our marriage. We are both recognizing & working to change the sins in our lives that have affected our marriage for SO long - I don't know exactly how to describe it, but we are deeper than we've ever been with each other before. This time we are really letting God be the third-party in our marriage! We read the Bible together daily & pray together daily too - an element that was missing for almost 9 years!
Kevin, thank you for being a friend. A Godly friend who doesn't put up with sin, but is willing to rebuke with love & compassion & I feel like you have been like that with me. I know that I don't deserve Dwight, but I hope that one day soon I will be a woman of integrity & a woman of conviction and mostly a woman deserving of Dwight's love.
Thank you for all your prayers on our behalf - I will pray for you & your family as you continue your walks with God as well!
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